GOT S7 Episode 3 — The Seven…Six…Five Kingdoms

Hey fellow Game of Thrones fans! It’s been one long summer, but now winter is here and I couldn’t be more ready. The Queen of Thorns is gone, but we are still here to sass in her place. We still haven plenty of time for last week’s predictions to come true– or be proven false.

I’d like to use this space to speculate on some things for the upcoming season. I hope you’ll join me and comment below or on Facebook with your own speculations. Remember, this blog is dark and full of spoilers, so read on at your own risk!

1. How soon until that Jon guy and Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regnant of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons bone?

It’s gotta happen right? Right? This is A Song of Ice and Fire after all, not A Song of, “Gee, I could use some dragonglass.” And if the aunt and nephew thing squicks you out… I mean, they are Targaryens. That’s kind of their whole thing. That level of platinum blonde doesn’t just stick around without a little bit of incest.

Cersei and Jaime

2. Who will kill Cersei?

A lot of people have a LOT of good reasons to off the Queen of the… however many kingdoms are left. Arya, Sansa, Tyrion, Dany… just about anyone at this point would be pretty freakin’ poetic. But if we’re ready to err into book territory, I’m HARD in the camp of Jaime Lannister. How more poetic could it be than murder by one’s own twin?

There is a very famous prophecy in the books that is alluded to far too briefly in the show– and that is that Cersei will be killed by her little brother (the valonquar). Of course, she naturally thinks this is Tyrion,b but she also points out… very often… that she is the older of the two twins. So, the set up couldn’t be any more perfect.

My guess? We will have all these people converging on King’s Landing to kill the Queen, only to find out the Jaime has killed Cersei and is sitting on the Iron Throne– just as he once did when he killed the Mad King. I doubt he’ll want to take the Seven Kingdoms for himself. Will it happen soon? Probs. It’s mid-season and Cersei has almost gotten everything she’s wanted. She’s got Sand Snakes dying in her dungeon. She took out the beautiful and fantastic Olenna Tyrell in a way that was truly not deserved (seriously, GRRM, please give the Tyrells more justice in the books). She even has Jamie warming her bed again. The only thing she doesn’t have? The head of Tyrion.

Speaking of, only thing keeping me from being 100% in Camp Jaime-Kills-Cersei? I don’t want to underestimate Tyrion– like the rest of the Lannisters always have.

Bran showing off just how much he is out of touch with the status quo.

3. What the fuck, Bran?

It was pretty ding-dang tone deaf of Bran to call his sister’s wedding night beautiful– especially since that’s when she was raped by the subhuman monster, Ramsey Snow. But you gotta remember, the kid has spent his entire puberty inside of a tree, learning all there is to know about the Realm. His concerns are no longer political and his head is full of the worst sort of knowledge. Bran has no ability to be socially competent. Bran is existing beyond the scope of the Seven Kingdoms. I can’t imagine he’s going to give a crap who’s on the Iron Throne at the end of things. At least, not in his current state. Could that change? I hope so. But it’s gonna take a whole lot of Stark family love. I’d watch that Very Special Episode.

Melisandre

4. Why does Melisandre have to die in Westeros?

And for that matter– why does Varys? What does Mel know about Vary’s future that has shown her this? Will he die in this season or the next, or will he live to be old and fat and die in King’s Landing, a well-love servant of whichever person or people take over the Iron Throne? If this scene between these two schemers didn’t send shivers down your spine, you must not be watching right. Vary has been an immortal fixture of ASOIAF and Game of Thrones since both series began. There are many, many theories saying that he is so, so much more than what he seems. And we know that Melisandre is way more than what she seems as well. I admit– I thought after her shakiness these past couple seasons, we finally had the up on her. But her saying this visibly rattled the unshakable Varys. And that means we should all be frightened, too.

Euron escorting Yara

5. Why should we be afraid of Euron Greyjoy?

I’m over him. In the books, his character has been there for quite some time– not really in the forefront until later, but in the background of the Greyjoy’s stories, always in the periphery and always scary as shit. This guy? He just wants to be the new Ramsey Bolton, and I feel that we have already passed that mantle on. It belongs to Cersei, the crazy bitch that has nothing left to live for except vengeance against the world that wouldn’t let her do as she pleased. She needs to be the number one, vulcan-haired villain of this arc and honestly, Euron is only taking away her limelight.

Euron is just a guy who can seemingly summon ships out of thin air and appears wherever he wants on a map. Which is scary, but not the arcane, I’ve-Become-One-With-The-Drowned-Gods Lovecraftian scary that book!Euron is. Let me explain further: in the books, we get a reflection of Euron from his brother Victarion, who is TERRIFIED of the man. Think Reek and Ramsey. The show decided to sort of combine those two characters together which is a tragic mistake because we have no reason to fear Euron. Like, almost nothing Euron could do will make us go, “Oh yeah, that guy’s WAY harder than Ramsey Bolton.” Ramsey committed a systematic violation of everything that we as viewers held sacred and that’s what made him scary.

Ellaria and Tyene being presented as prisoners.

Instead you have this dude, Euron. Why should we be afraid of him? Yara and Theon weren’t afraid of him. Yara was ready to kick his ass when she got taken by him. And even Theon was ready to fight until he realized the torture that was going on all around him and had some PTSD back to the true terror– Ramsey Bolton. Yara spends her own walk of shame up to the Red Keep looking petulant and annoyed. So if those two aren’t scared of Euron, why should the viewer be?

And now, Euron’s acting as Cersei’s mad dog because… why? He wants to sleep with her? He wants to be her king? Meh, why does someone like Euron need a queen to make him a king? And that milk-sop face she made at him when he brought her Ellaria and the Sand Snakes was pretty well faked. Is he buying it? I can’t honestly tell. Can you?